


Painted Red

by orphan_account



Category: RWBY
Genre: Attempt at writing a believable mindset, Before crap really hit the fan, Depression, I'm not even sure really, Nightmares, Set between Volume Two and Volume Three, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-10 22:21:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10448823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ruby doesn't sleep much.





	

Ruby had memorized all of her teammate's snores.

 

Yang snored every night and hers were the loudest, but Ruby had learned that years ago when she didn't want to sleep alone and crept into her sister's bedroom at night. Yang, the best big sister ever, never protested once.

 

Weiss snored just as frequently as Yang, but the similarities ended there. Even in her sleep, the Snow Queen's breaths were precise and controlled, just like her attacks. Not to mention, she didn't snore like a trumpeting Goliath.

 

Blake didn't snore at all. This gave Ruby anxiety when she began sharing a dorm with the other girls because it also seemed like the faunus didn't breath in her sleep either. After several nights of checking on Blake, Ruby finally relaxed, content to conclude that Blake's body went into some infrangible survival mode while she slept, forcing her to breath silently. Her breathing was also covered up by Yang's gunshot snores.

 

All this information was useless and Ruby turned that idea around in her head nearly every night as she stared up at the ceiling. Learning these things hadn't been on purpose. It just happened because Ruby almost never slept. She could go days without it and have no troubles.

 

Most of the time, Ruby couldn't sleep because of her own thoughts. They were sharper than Cresent Rose, packed as much power as one of Yang's punches, and were as precise as Weiss's strikes. They were more vicious than the White Fang or Grimm and attempted to tear Ruby apart for simply existing.

 

Ruby was weak, useless, immature, unfit for leadership, stupid, dumb, a _ failure _ .

 

It was constant and once the train started, it was hard to stop. It usually only happened when Ruby messed up, or reflected on her failures, so it was okay. Her own thoughts stung, but the truth hurt. What type of huntress would she be if she couldn't handle the truth that attacked her while her teammates slept. Her weakness made her fail in the first place and she couldn't do that to her friends. She wouldn't drag them down.

 

She was a leader. She couldn't fail or be a failure. People depended on her and would more after graduation (But what if she wasn't good enough to be a huntress?).

 

When those nights happened, Ruby barely caught a wink of sleep, if any.

 

The other types of thoughts formed while Ruby slept. Nightmares dug their sadistic, grim-like claws into her subconscious, twisting anything that might have been good into her worst realities and fears. She was haunted by a white ghost she could never truly reach and the monsters that took that phantom away from her. Blacks and greys adorned her dreams with red rose petals clustering together, resembling pools of blood. When these nights, filled to the brim with night terrors, happened, Ruby never felt fully rested, even if she slept a full ten hours.

 

When Ruby was exhausted, some nights took mercy on her. She slept, free of the anger and the pain. A break.

 

Tonight was not that night. As Ruby laid in her bed, sprawled out, sleeping mask on the corner of her bed to feign sleep if one of her friends woke, nightmares and failures didn't plague her. Her subconscious didn't try and sabotage her.

 

These nights were the worst nights because she didn't feel anything.

 

She didn't feel the anger and resentment she did after nightmares. She didn't feel the sadness and hatred she did during her hours of self reflection. She just... existed.

 

Every thought was a chore, every breath exhausting. Sleep never came easily and time was warped, hours passing like weeks. She felt nothing and said nothing.

 

During these periods of nothingness, Ruby wanted to do nothing, which made the nights way easier than the days. She didn't want to go to classes, or do battle training, or go on missions, or socialize, or eat, or even move from her spot on the bed. She hated the early mornings, absolutely despised them during these periods of time because she knew she would have to get up and be productive.

 

But, she was training to be a huntress, so just because she felt off, it didn't mean she could shirk her responsibilities. That would make her even more of a failure. Plus, it wouldn't be fair to her friends, even though they'd probably be better off without her around to weigh them down.

 

Ruby thought about talking to Yang, Blake, and Weiss about these things sometimes. She wanted to know if this feeling of being so... off was normal.

 

Yang would probably have some sisterly advice locked and loaded. Blake would probably be able to sympathize. She had been disregarded her entire life because of her species and that had to have caused some negative feeling, or lack of them. Weiss... well, Weiss was Weiss. She'd probably smack Ruby upside the head and call her a dolt and that would alleviate some of the nagging doubts she had at the back of her mind.

 

But then Ruby thought better of it. They didn't need to know. Ruby would just be burdening them even more...

 

...Besides, they already did a good job at making Ruby relaxed. When she was with them, she was distracted, happy even. It was tiring, and the threat of her thoughts loomed above, waiting to berate her, but during those times, she was okay.

 

Ruby was okay.

 

Except right now, she needed to not be in this room. She needed a sign that time was passing, as stupid as it sounded. She couldn't stand the lone numbness any longer.

 

As much as she didn't want to move, Ruby forced herself up and peered at her two teammates across the room. It was the beginning of the weekend. No classes meant that they would be sleeping in. They wouldn't miss her.

 

Slipping off the bed, Ruby did the best to silence her landing thud. She passed a glance over all of her teammates, frozen as she waited for any sign that they were woken, especially Blake. Everyone's breathing was normal. Good.

 

Like a ninja, she stealthily escaped the room. She was careful when closing the door behind her, as if she was handling glass. After a brief sigh, Ruby headed for the roof.

\---

It would be so easy to jump.

 

The thought came and went quickly, leaving a feeling of coldness behind, snuffing out the numb prickles of nothingness that had spanned across Ruby's entire body moments before.

 

That was new and Ruby didn't like it at all. It was wrong and made a pit form in her stomach, one of guilt. She bit her lip and shook her head, forcing the thoughts to the back of her mind.

 

That wouldn't happen again.

 

It was okay. Ruby was okay.

 

Silently, she sat against the wall near the door. She drew her knees up to her chest and crossed her arms above them, hands dangling uselessly off her knees. She looked up at the stars, lazily beginning to count them.

 

Her thoughts began to slow as she glanced between stars. It was the only thing she could do until the sun rose.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Well, this happened. I hope some people enjoyed it? I don't know, do people that read angst enjoy it? I honestly can't tell...
> 
> But anyway, I hope that this was at least kind of an accurate take on depression. If not, I'm sorry. Characterization is not my strong suite and mental illnesses are my weak point. If this offends too many people, I'll gladly take it down, but for now it shall stay up.
> 
> The title probably doesn't make sense because it is a multichapter story, but I don't plan on posting the rest because it will be even crappier than this.
> 
> But yeah, have a good day or night, and thanks for taking the time to read my story ^.^


End file.
